the comforter and comforted

a friend of mine on fb just lost her father and for the first time i was the one reaching out to her.
for when she is ready, let me help her/pray for her.

it will be a year since my dad passed next month.

wow this year flew.

and i realized how our life dosen't stop. it feels like it does when your the one living it.
however, a year later:
we are having our third child
my son starts preschool
my mom goes back to work since she quit after my dad got diagnosed
my sister is living on her own with an incredible job
my brother fingers crossed has the opportunity to have an amazing career

as i sit and think of my friend i am loosing it thinking of my dad.
i hurt still.

i want him to be here to meet ty....ty thomas!
dad we have another thomas in the family! i know how proud you are of your name and heritage. 

it kills me when i am shopping with my mom and i have to drop her off. she dosen't go home to anyone  (but her cats....and praise the lord she has them!)

i think i hurt more for her than anyone else.

i get told a lot that people understand what i'm going through....and they do....and now i understand what my friend is going through.

but when people come to my mom and compare loosing their parents to hurts. she knows what that's like too, but to be a widow at such a young age, well younger that what she was expecting she doesn't have many people to relate to.

okay i'm just rambling but i'm hurting just as my sister in christ is. i may be 11 months into this journey ahead of her but it still hurts...bad!

i read the first chapter of one thousand gifts and i am learning to find joy in the midst of disease and death, in little and in plenty.

"Where is God really? How can He be good when babies die, marriages implode, and dreams blow away, dust in the wind? Where is grace  bestowed when cancer gnaws and loneliness aches ... Where hides this joy of the Lord, this God who fills the earth with good things...?"

i guess i needed to blog this to get all my anger, sadness and frustration out. this doesn't just go away. not after a few months or even a year.
it changes.
even if i never talk to my friend about her dad and what she is going through, she knows i'm here....and that was all i needed and still need.

not to necessarily talk or bond...but to know i'm/she is not alone, because let me tell feel very alone, especially when your spouse (and praise the lord if you have one to lean on) hasn't been down that road.

-i love you dad! i miss you and think of you everyday.-

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